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MinisterThunder7416
Amanda looked at her phone. It was already 9:15 p.m., her…
Amanda looked at her phone. It was already 9:15 p.m., her 5-year-old daughter’s usual bedtime. Work had run late, Amanda didn’t get home until 7:30 p.m., and traffic was worse than she expected. After she picked up Jamie from her sister’s house, she had time to grab a salad at the supermarket deli and a few items that she needed for Jamie’s lunch the next day. Luckily, the market was not too busy on a Wednesday night. She quickly led Jamie to the checkout aisle.
“Hey mom, can I have one of these peanut bars?” Jamie asked.
Amanda almost didn’t hear Jamie. She was thinking about tomorrow’s schedule. Looking down at the tired girl, she said, “No sweetie. It’s late and you already brushed your teeth at Aunt Tara’s house.”
Jamie begged, “But I’m hungry. I didn’t eat much dinner. And you got something to eat.”
Sheepishly, Amanda looked at the salad in her basket. Then, she remembered the time and could only think about getting Jamie to bed as soon as possible. The last thing she needed was a sugared-up, 5-year-old insomniac on her hands. “No, baby. I’m just getting a few things and then we’re going home to bed,” Amanda replied.
Jamie didn’t like that answer. She repeated her request. Then, she began to complain, then whine, then cry. “I’m so hungry. Why can’t I? Please???” Jamie kicked the shopping cart in time with her protests for added emphasis.
Amanda was sure that Jamie was acting this way deliberately to annoy her. Jamie knew how to press her buttons, especially at the end of the day. The checkout person, clearly perturbed, narrowed her eyes on Amanda. Amanda could read the checkout person’s mind, “Don’t you have any control over your kid? Why didn’t you feed her a decent meal? What are you doing at the supermarket with a 5-year-old at 9:30 on a school-night in the first place?” Amanda felt a flood of emotions: anger, despair, fatigue.
Gerald Patterson (2016) identified a problematic pattern of parent-child interactions known as coercive family process. Based on Patterson’s research, how should Amanda respond to her daughter and why?
Buy Jamie the peanut bar. After all, peanuts are healthy, right?
Stand firm, even if that means yelling or threatening Jamie with punishment. You need to show her who’s the parent and who’s the child.
Ignore her. Let her protest all she wants. She might tantrum in the middle of the supermarket, but heyit’s Walmart. She won’t be the first kid to do that.
