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CHAPTER 1  Adopting a Family Relationship Framework  Family…

CHAPTER 1 

Adopting a Family Relationship Framework 

Family Systems: Fundamental Concepts 

1. Entrance into a family occurs by birth, adoption, or through marriage or  other committed relationships. Compare the characteristics of family  membership (loyalty, support from others, closeness) of two people in your  family, each of whom joined the family by different routes. How are they  different and how are they alike? 

2. All families indoctrinate new members (children, in-laws) into their  systems. Sometimes these efforts to forge group cohesion can be felt as pressures against individual wants and needs. Identify three ways your  family typically tries to indoctrinate its children into the system (consider  your own experience as a child). How have you experienced these  influences? Have you ever tried to rebel? How do you join others in trying to  similarly influence new members? How do you interact with new members differently? 

3. In what type of family structure did you grow up – intact, one led by a  single parent, stepfamily? Has divorce of a family member or members played a role in your life? If so, describe the impact of divorce on your  experience. How have you been affected by family members whom you think should divorce but haven’t? 

4. What are the expectations you have about the family structure you will be  part of in five years? Twenty years? Forty years? Try to frame your answer  around a discussion of your attitudes toward marriage, children, divorce, and extended families. 

5. Can you think of any special internal stresses that depleted the family’s  resources as you were growing up? Consider financial downturn, migration,  chronic health problems, or the death of a family member. How did the  family cope? What community support, if any, was available? 

Family Structures, Narratives, Roles, and Patterns 

6. Shared family rituals help insure family identity and continuity. List some  of the rituals you recall in growing up. Comment on the place and influence  of those experiences in your later life. 

 

7. Families typically develop rules that outline and allocate the roles and  functions of its members. Those who live together for any length of time develop repeatable, preferred patterns for negotiating and arranging their  lives to maximize harmony and predictability. Identify and describe the roles that you played as you grew up. Which stayed the same over time and which  have changed? 

8. Most families have an outlook that perceives the world in general as a  positive and predictable place or as a dangerous and menacing one. This perspective affects all family members. The stories that the family tells  about its outlook are part of its narrative. Describe the narrative of your family’s worldview. Did it change over time? How were you affected? 

 

9. Draw a picture of your family. Be sure to include all members. When you  have finished, note what you see about your view of relationships, alliances,  and coalitions in the family. 

10. List in order of importance the roles that you currently play (son or  daughter, friend, student, lover, neighbor, etc.). 

1. ________________________ 4. ________________________  2. ________________________ 5. ________________________  3. ________________________ 6. ________________________ 

 

Which of these roles are integral to your sense of self (ones you believe you  cannot do without)? 

 

Of all the roles listed above, which one would you insist on holding on to  most strongly? 

Of all the roles you have listed as currently playing, which would you find it  easiest to give up? 

 

Resiliency 

 

11. All families face challenges: an unexpected death, the divorce, job loss,  retirement. What resiliency factors were available in a challenging situation  in your family? How did the family reorganize itself, solve problems, and  cope with threat? 

12. Family resiliency can be a function of intact support systems: networks  of friends, extended family, religious groups, community resources. Can you identify the support systems that helped your family in a crisis? 

13. Identify an experience that severely tested your family’s resiliency. Were  you able to recover? If so, what resources, from both within and outside the  family, were you able to call on to help? If not, what do you think might  have helped your family to cope more effectively with the experience? 

14. What role did spirituality play in your family life when you were  growing up? Did you receive guidance or comfort from a religious community or other groups with strong religious components in their  teachings? Comment on their impact on your current views about religion  and spirituality. 

Gender and Cultural Considerations 

15. Family systems are embedded in a community and in society at large.  Which of the following 7 social or cultural factors do you believe were especially significant in your family of origin? Choose one or more and  elaborate. 

Race Sexual
Orientation
Ethnicity
Religious Orientation
Social Class
Immigration Status

16. Cross-cultural and cross-racial adoptions are more common today than in  years past. How would these phenomena have been viewed by the members of your family twenty years ago? How are they viewed by them today?  Compare past and present views and describe the changes to the family  system that might explain any differences. 

17. Describe an incident where you or a member of your family became  aware of class differences in an exchange with another family. By examining your own reactions to the incident, describe your own views on  class differences. 

 

18. What were the messages about work and gender roles you received  growing up? Did your mother work outside the home? How were home chores divided? What was your father’s role in childcare? If you have  siblings of a different gender, were you treated differently because of the different gender status? If so, how? 

19. How would you describe your own ethnic background? Describe some  influences on your values, attitudes, and present behavior that can be attributed to that background. 

 

Cybernetics 

20. Provide an explanation of some behavior of yours that has been  criticized by a significant family member – first in the language of linear causality and then in that of circular causality. 

21. Consider a problem that exists or has existed in your family (say, an  adult’s drinking problem, or chronic unemployment of a parent, or a child who is a slow learner or one who refuses to go to school.) Describe the  problem as it is understood by your family. 

 

Now rethink the problem as a possible product of a flawed relationship  between two or three members. Do you play a role in this problem? Describe  the various flawed relationships. 

 

The Identified Patient 

22. At different stages of a family’s life cycle, different members may be  labeled the “identified patient” or the symptomatic person. Did this occur in  your family? Who was so designated? Did you ever receive that  designation? How did it affect your everyday behavior and your picture of  yourself? How do you imagine this designation affected a different family  member? 

23. Is there currently an identified patient in your family, perhaps labeled  “sick” or “bad”? Does this person drain off tension for the family, or distract from other underlying problems? If so, identify the underlying problems.  How have you reacted? 

 

How did this designation get established? How could it be changed? 

What would happen to the interaction of the remaining family members if   this person left?