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Intimate Personal Violence in Canada Chapter 4 – A Better Man -…
Intimate Personal Violence in Canada Chapter 4 – A Better Man – Student version
Before you watch A Better Man
Steve’s growth process
Some audience members have valid curiosity about whether Steve changed his abusive behaviour in later relationships. Students should be invited to explore this question and the reasons why the answer is important for them. This can deepen their reflection on what it means to take responsibility.
Facilitators may use any of the following prompts:
Why is it important to know whether Steve has continued to use violence?
What would it mean to you if he has? How would this impact your feelings about Steve and the things he expressed in the film?
What role do you think the person who was hurt (in this case, Attiya) should play in deciding what it would mean for the person who hurt them to take responsibility?
What about if multiple people were hurt?
What demands would this role place on the people who were hurt?
Is it possible to take responsibility with one person and not others?
How long do you think it might take someone to complete the process of taking responsibility for abuse?
What would some of the steps be in that process?
Helping people who are experiencing violence.
There may be a sentiment of well-meaning frustration or impatience among some students, such as comments about “making” a person leave or “getting” them to leave. While it is not possible to force someone to leave an abusive relationship, this sentiment is evidence of the students’ compassion and shows a desire to end the harm.
What steps might you take to try to achieve that?
What are some of the possible reactions from the people involved (your friend and the person hurting them)?
Depending on the steps the students suggest, facilitators can probe further by asking students how they tend to feel when someone questions their judgment or tells them what to do.
What could some of the safety concerns be if you took that step?
Name possible reasons why a person might not leave an abusive relationship.
We are all mandated reporters in Canada – Your duty to report is immediate. Your duty to report is direct. Your duty to report is ongoing. Your duty to report overrides concerns about confidentiality. Your duty is to report, not investigate. Child and Family Services Act (CFSA) requires those who perform professional or official duties with respect to children to report suspected child abuse where there are reasonable grounds. A child is anyone under 16 (or appears to be) or who is 16 or 17 and subject to a child protection order. You don’t have to be certain that a child may need protection. Suspicion on reasonable grounds information that an average person, using normal and honest judgment, would need to decideis reason enough to report. You have to report to a children’s aid society so that they can ass ess and determine what the child needs.
Task – What Does Justice Mean to Me?
Write a description of a time when you harmed someone.
Write answers to the following questions regarding that time:
What did you think when you realized the harm you had caused?
What impact has this incident had on you and others?
What has been the hardest thing for you?
What do you think needs to happen to make things right?
Exercises for people experiencing trauma triggers.
Internal coping strategies
Internal coping strategies help the person take their mind off the problem without their contacting another person (e.g., relaxation techniques, physical activity).
Call on the person’s body’s capacity to calm itself by guiding them through progressive muscle relaxation.
Example:
Sit in a comfortable position; feel the ground beneath your feet. (Moving bottom to top, top to bottom.) Starting at your feet, tense your muscles as much as possible and then relax them completely.
Tense and relax your feet, legs and torso.
Then tense and relax your shoulders, neck, arms and hands.
Repeat this with your head and face.
If the person is too close to the story of trauma, the listener may try leading them through an externalizing conversation.
Example:
If you could give a name to the problem you are experiencing, what would you call it?
When did ______ find its way into your life?
How did ______ gain such a strong hold in your life?
What is ______ like?
When does ______ gain the upper hand?
What are ______’s tricks and tactics for influencing you in these ways?
Has ______ ever been helpful in any way?
How has ______ affected your relationship/school/ work/sense of self?
What has ______ gotten in the way of?
Are you okay/not okay with ______’s development? Or is it somewhere in between?
Is it fair/not fair/somewhere in between?
What does your stance say about what’s important to you?
What does it say about what your hopes/dreams are for yourself?
Suggest present-focused exercises, such as a mindfulness exercise.
Example:
Find an object near you that you are attracted to, one that brings you comfort.
Find a comfortable position.
Feel where the soles of your feet make contact with the floor.
Notice how your chair is supporting you in this moment. Feel where your body is making contact with your chair.
Take a moment to notice the sounds in the room.
Begin to notice your breathing.
Allow yourself to become aware of the present moment, gently bringing awareness to the experience and awareness of your breath and bodily sensations.
You do not need to change your breath in any way.
Let it be what it is and simply notice.
And if you find that your attention wanders away from your breath, simply notice what drew your attention away and gently bring your attention back to your breath without judgment.
Welcome as best you can, experiencing your breath, with awareness, just as it is.
Now gently open your eyes.
Turn your focus on the [object] you have chosen, place it in your hand.
Notice and explore the qualities of the [object]how the light catches it, its textures, edges, colours, etc.
What is it like to hold this [object] in your hands?
Notice any thoughts, emotions or body sensations that arise.
As you hold your [object] in your hands, think about how you take care of yourself, and be thoughtful of what it means to take care of yourself.
Notice what you are present with in this moment.
When you’re ready, bring your attention back to the room.
External coping strategies
External coping strategies are things the person can do with other people to reground or distract themselves, or to seek longer-term support.
Are there any people and/or social settings that can provide distraction?
Who can you ask for help (e.g. friend, co-worker, family member)?
Are there support services that might be helpful to you right now (e.g. urgent care services, crisis centres, telephone counselling, shelters)?
References: https://abettermanfilm.com/watch_eng/
