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Please, READ the counseling session below, between the counselor…
Please, READ the counseling session below, between the counselor (Rachael Clyne) and her patient/client (Fiona), and after reading, SUMMARIZE the session, in a few paragraphs:
00:00:40
RACHAEL CLYNE: Beginnings, middles, and endings. The distinctive nature of these stages is emphasized in counseling training. No matter how joyful, planned, or wishful they may be, endings presage change and invariably involve loss as well as a degree of uncertainty about the future. Endings can be traumatic, unexpected, unwanted, or a relief. And echoes of our journey from a dependent infant into a separate adult individual pose the question of whether or not we feel robust enough to survive. All of these factors get wrapped up in our complex response to endings. So, ending therapy doesn’t just represent the finishing line; it can be an important piece of therapeutic work in its own right. In a short-term contract, the number of sessions is usually determined at the outset, and unless the client decides not to take up the full quota, they don’t have a say in how long the contract will last. The counselor’s ability to hold the time restriction and prepare their client for a predicted ending is very important. Ability to assess the appropriateness of the issues and the level of depth the client can safely tolerate. Clients sometimes try to put pressure on the counselor to extend the contract, and counselors often have to deal with a sense of the work being unfinished. I find that clients, knowing the ending in advance, usually protect themselves against too much attachment. However, a deadline can also produce surprisingly rapid results. But while there’s an opportunity to acknowledge the issue of ending in time-limited work, there isn’t the time to process any related issues. In an open-ended situation, as we’ll be looking at in this extract, the ending is more organic and can be negotiated between the client and counselor. Whether it’s short- or long-term, hopefully, the ending represents a successful conclusion to the client-counselor relationship. However, there can be hidden issues that need to be explored before a successful conclusion can be reached. And there are of course exceptions when life events such as illness or accident can force a sudden ending. How the issue is raised varies. Occasionally, a client cancels or fails to turn up without explanation, and the counselor is left holding unanswered questions which may or may not be characteristic of the client’s process. Sometimes clients do what I call “a hit and run” by announcing at the end of the session that they don’t want to come anymore. In this case, the counselor has to try and hold the discussion over to the next session, rather than engaging with such an important issue just as the client’s walking out of the door. Many counselors, including myself, incorporate advice about ending therapy in their initial contract, that it’s fine to decide to end, but that it’s best discussed together first. More often than not, both parties become aware that the issues are now being resolved, and that the work is coming to an end. Sometimes there’s just a lull where there don’t seem to be any specific topics, and perhaps sessions are becoming chatty and superficial. There can be more than one reason for this. It can indicate that an opportunity to go deeper is waiting around the corner, rather like the still waters before going over rapids. A client may be unconsciously avoiding or indeed preparing to enter the next stage of their process. However, it can also be a sign that the work is coming to an end. In either case, it’s important to check with the client what their sense is and perhaps suggests a review. In the session, you’re about to see, the client and I have been working together for 18 months.
00:05:30
RACHAEL CLYNE: Okay, Fiona, have you thought about how you want to use this session?
00:05:35
FIONA: Well, I did think, you know, I mean, I often think on the, you know, as I, as I’m coming to sessions, um, about what I will talk about, and I couldn’t, to be honest with you, think of anything that I wanted to talk about today. So, um, I’m sure something will come to me.
00:05:55
RACHAEL CLYNE: It’s something I’ve noticed that has come up a few times in the last few weeks.
00:06:00
FIONA: How do you mean?
00:06:00
RACHAEL CLYNE: Well, you know, wondering what to focus the session on and what that’s like for you.
00:06:10
FIONA: Um, well, you know, in the past, it’s been, uh, quite, quite often if I felt a sort of inner resistance or, yeah, I suppose if I felt a resistance to talking to you, then it’s been because I’ve been sitting on something that I haven’t wanted to look at. Um, and
00:06:30
RACHAEL CLYNE: And what’s it like today?
00:06:30
FIONA: Um, well, I feel a bit kind of, I don’t want to be in this room. I mean, I’d like to, you know, just go out and have a cup of coffee with you or something. Do you know what I mean?
00:06:45
RACHAEL CLYNE: Well, that’s interesting. That’s the first time you’ve mentioned that.
00:06:45
FIONA: Yeah. I get it, yeah.
00:06:50
ENDING THERAPY Preparing to end
00:06:50
RACHAEL CLYNE: I wonder why that is. What does her wish to be friends suggest? Is it an affirmation of equality, and independence, a cue to end the therapy? Or is it a sign of continuing positive transference and her idealization of me? Or could it be both?
00:07:15
FIONA: I don’t know. Um.
00:07:20
RACHAEL CLYNE: Does it feel like you want to be more sociable with me?
00:07:25
FIONA: Yeah, I, I suppose I feel, I feel like it’d be nice just to have a chat, you know, and talk about other things, other than myself, to you.
00:07:35
RACHAEL CLYNE: Well, we’ve done a lot of work, haven’t we? We’ve been working together for about 18 months now, and you’ve done some really good work.
00:07:40
FIONA: Um, thanks. So, so what are you saying?
00:07:50
RACHAEL CLYNE: I don’t know. Maybe it’s a good point to have a review of where we are with the therapy, with the counseling.
00:08:00
FIONA: Um.
00:08:05
RACHAEL CLYNE: ‘Because we’ve dealt, you know, a lot of the issues that you’ve brought. You’ve been working hard on those, and the changes have begun to make a difference in your life, haven’t they?
00:08:10
FIONA: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I mean, of course. It’s made a huge difference, and I just, um, I don’t know. I’ve just got this funny feeling now that, you know, you’re going to say, “Oh, I think you’ve had enough.” Well, I mean, actually, fine, you know, I don’t care really if you, if you want to finish the sessions.
00:08:35
RACHAEL CLYNE: Is that what you want? What, what do you want? Fiona’s interpreted my suggestion to review as a sign that I’d decided to end the counseling. She’s anticipated the possibility by naming it first but presents it as my choice. So, I handed it back to her to think about. We’re both aware that the nature of the relationship and the work is changing, and she’s quite right that I’m wondering whether it’s time to end. But I want her to reflect on that possibility and certainly don’t see it as my decision.
00:09:15
FIONA: Um, well, yeah. You know, I mean, yeah, I’ve done lots of work and have moved on and, you know, maybe it’s time to just sort of finish now, yeah. It’s fine by me.
00:09:35
RACHAEL CLYNE: ‘Because what one of the things I’m wondering, you know, I’ve got used to knowing you and knowing when you’re avoiding things. I think we’ve begun to recognize that. But I don’t get the feeling that that’s happening to you at the moment. When you’re talking about wanting to go out for a cup of coffee with me, it feels like I’ve noticed the last few sessions we’re kind of more having chats.
00:09:55
FIONA: Yeah, I, I, so what you’re saying is that we should just like, knock it on the head and just finish the, the, the therapy, which is fine. I mean, you know, I knew that eventually, we’d have to do this, and that’s fine. Great. So, um, what shall I do, just not come next week then?
00:10:15
RACHAEL CLYNE: Well, hang on a minute. Slow down, slow down. How would you feel about finishing? By making it my decision and jumping to a sudden conclusion, it feels like a survival reaction from a childlike place, an attempt to gain control. I respond by trying to ground her, to elicit her adult awareness, and by reminding her of her progress and her self-reliance. This is a tricky dance between us as I try to catch her reactions and feed them back to her. Indeed, it’s tricky and confusing for Fiona as well as vacillates between an adult awareness that feels equal and self-directing and the child within, struggling to cope with impending loss and feelings of abandonment. At this moment, I’m perceived as the abandoner of that child, almost certainly the next in line to a long history of abandoners. I experience her as someone desperately trying to appear, an adult while stifling her child’s feelings. As the counselor, I have to hold her transferential projections and try to guide Fiona to find her way through her crucial dilemma of separation.
00:11:40
FIONA: Fine. As I said, it would be great, you know, ‘cuz, ‘cuz you’re right. I’ve got to the stage now where it’d be nice just to sort of, you know, talk to you as a friend. I don’t want to talk about
00:11:50
RACHAEL CLYNE: And that’s not really what the counseling’s for, is it, not to have a chat as a friend.
00:11:55
FIONA: No. No, but I mean, I like you, and it would, okay, so what I’m saying is, yeah, great, we can finish the therapy. What I feel strange about is, well, how do you finish therapy, anyway?
00:12:10
RACHAEL CLYNE: Well, first of all, I, I certainly wouldn’t, if, you know, it’s something that we look at together and see if it’s what we want to do. I certainly wouldn’t suggest that we say, “Okay, I won’t come next week. That’ll be it.” If we decide to end the counseling, then perhaps that’s something towards which we can work. ‘Cuz I, I see ending counseling as a very important part of the work. And, um, well, it’s also an acknowledgment of what you’ve achieved, isn’t it?
00:12:45
FIONA: I know, I hate that, though.
00:12:45
RACHAEL CLYNE: Why?
00:12:45
FIONA: Well, ‘because, ‘because it’s like, uh, okay, you know, okay, you’ve achieved this, you’ve done that.., bye! Do you know? It feels like a dismissal.
00:13:00
RACHAEL CLYNE: And that’s what I heard you doing a few minutes ago when you were just saying, okay, well, that’s it. And for me, the ending is a very important part of counseling. Honoring our relationship and the work that you’ve done, and it isn’t just about a bye. I see it as one of my purposes, if you like, is to do it myself after the job.
00:13:30
FIONA: Sure.
00:13:30
RACHAEL CLYNE: Fiona emerges momentarily from her struggle and asks the wonderful question, “Well, how do you finish therapy, anyway?” enabling us to explore the issues and open our negotiation. I emphasize the possibility of ending it as something we can take our time about without rushing a decision. Fiona’s now aware that she’s torn between the knowledge that the work’s coming to an end and her attachment to our relationship. Voicing her perception that being acknowledged for achievement means being dismissed allows me to reflect on a defensive reaction to self-dismissal, and it indicates some of the issues involved.
00:14:20
FIONA: There’s this thing where you, you know, well, I’ve been seeing you for probably nearly 18 months now, right? And, you know, you, it’s like you’re part of my life. And there’s part of me that says, “Okay, if I want to keep paying you, and if I want to keep coming to see you, then why shouldn’t I do that?” You know, because you’re a really important and positive part of my life now.
00:14:45
RACHAEL CLYNE: As a friend or as a counselor?
00:14:50
FIONA: Well, I suppose it’s changing now. I mean, previously as a counselor, but as we’re having this conversation now, it’s, I mean, I kind of get that it has changed. The quality
00:15:00
RACHAEL CLYNE: Right, and how has it changed?
00:15:00
FIONA: Well, I suppose I feel more equal to you now. I don’t feel like you’re the person that I come to with all my troubles and you just, well, I suppose I want to find out things about you.
00:15:15
RACHAEL CLYNE: Right.
00:15:15
FIONA: But not necessarily about your life, but what you think about things and your opinion and, you know, what hopes and dreams you have for the future ‘because, you know, suddenly you’re not just that sort of safe place that I used to come to when I couldn’t deal with things myself.
00:15:30
RACHAEL CLYNE: Right.
00:15:30
FIONA: Um, so, I mean, I feel.
00:15:40
RACHAEL CLYNE: You don’t need me to be there for you quite so much in the same way?
00:15:45
FIONA: No. No.
00:15:45
RACHAEL CLYNE: And you feel more equal, you feel more that you can.
00:15:50
FIONA: Well, I feel like we’ve, I feel like we’ve developed a friendship as well over the 18 months, which wouldn’t necessarily have been the same with other, other counselors, I assume, but, you know, it is with us ‘because.
00:16:05
RACHAEL CLYNE: And the work’s been really important for me too, with you, Fiona. I mean, I, we’ve worked well together. But there is, you know, it’s such a strange relationship, counseling, you know, between a counselor and a client ‘because it, it is very intimate, and I hear things about you that you’ve never told anyone else. And yet whilst there’s a warm intimacy, we’re not friends. It’s still a working relationship and you know me as the person who’s here to listen to you and be here for you. And it’s been very creative. I think it’s been brilliant. And I value the things that you’ve shared, the trust that you’ve had in me. But it’s, it’s also, as you say, I mean, you know, your money, you’re paying me. But you want to know what works for you. You come; you came to counseling with some very specific issues that you wanted to look at. It’s very delicate when a client who’s experienced a long and successful therapeutic alliance expresses the wish to become friends with their counselor. And this happens from time to time. In later stages, as the client becomes more self-reliant, the sense of partnership and rapport can be a joy on both sides. Fiona describes well how her needs and her experience of our relationship have evolved as she’s grown. As in any situation, some people feel naturally more connected than others. It needs to be handled with respect and tact, so the boundary is held without the client’s wish being dismissed or their feelings invalidated. I try to clarify the difference between friendship and a therapeutic relationship, using our familiarity to evoke her wiser self and also to be as genuine as possible in expressing my feelings about our connection and affirming the depth of what we’ve shared. What’s going on? You look.
00:18:30
FIONA: I just feel, like, if I’m not coming here anymore, then it just makes all of this, um, irrelevant, like it never happened. I can’t see a way of finishing it and having it be kind of part of my life. It’s, well, that’s not expressing it very well, but that’s what, it feels like once if I stop coming to see you, then this all just disappears. Even though you say we’ve done some really good work and
00:19:05
RACHAEL CLYNE: Did you want to carry on coming ad infinitum?
00:19:10
FIONA: Well, I guess not, realistically, but you know, why not?
00:19:20
RACHAEL CLYNE: Again, this reflects the childlike perception that to move forward means the past disappeared. It never happened. I try not to fall into her belief by getting her to look at the reality of continuing ad infinitum. This seems to allow her momentarily to refine her adult awareness. Then she reverts again. So, we start to explore her feelings.
00:19:55
[sil.]
00:20:00
RACHAEL CLYNE: You look quite sad.
00:20:00
FIONA: Yeah, ‘because I, I don’t, I suppose in a way this is like some way that I know is my space, you know, is that idea that I can always come here, that there’s someone here who, who listens to me and just listens to me. You, you know, I don’t have to kind of, um, you, you know, and you’ve held my story. I, I, so it’s like a bit of a sanctuary, and I don’t want to have to let that go.
00:20:35
RACHAEL CLYNE: Well, today’s the first day it’s come up between us, and we don’t have to make any decisions right now. It doesn’t sound like you’re sure about what you do want. Well, it sounds like you don’t want to let go right now.
00:20:50
FIONA: No, I don’t want to let go right now. And then part of me feels kind of stupid and babyish for not wanting to let go ‘because, you know, ‘because I could. I could just walk out, right, at the end of this session and just like, bye. That’s it, I don’t see you again. I could do that.
00:21:10
RACHAEL CLYNE: I can see right now how much this relationship means to you.
00:21:15
FIONA: Well, yeah. I mean, I
00:21:20
RACHAEL CLYNE: And given some of the things that we’ve looked at in your history when you went away to boarding school and those sorts of times, I can understand how important it is for you to have to choose to hold on.
00:21:35
FIONA: Well, that’s it, I mean, the, yeah, I mean, we’ve talked about the times in my life when I’ve just been, you know, uprooted and nobody prepared me for it, nobody said, “Okay, this is what you might need to do,” I wasn’t given any rights if you like.
00:21:50
RACHAEL CLYNE: Well, I’m not sending you away.
00:21:55
FIONA: No, but it’s easier if you do, almost, you know, ‘because with which I can deal. You know, I can deal with just going, “Right, okay, bye!”
00:22:00
RACHAEL CLYNE: So, is that what you were doing before when you said, “Okay, right, that’s fine if that’s the way you want it,” and it was like it was my decision? I don’t see it as my decision, and it’s not my decision to end the counseling, so I’m not going to do that.
00:22:15
FIONA: But I don’t know how to do it any other way.
00:22:20
RACHAEL CLYNE: Now Fiona’s begun to recognize and acknowledge her past wounds around endings, alongside the coping strategy she’s developed, she tries to recreate the same scenario in the counseling because it’s familiar. By reminding her of her boarding school past and her lack of choice at the time, I enable her to connect her present reactions with their source, and the knowledge I’ve gained of Fiona over some time supports this. I also try to enable her to distinguish between past situations where she felt powerless, where change was dictated by others, to the present, where she has control over the choice. This is a powerful opportunity for her to change the pattern and grow in maturity.
00:23:15
FIONA: You know, I don’t know how to do it any other way other than, I suppose, you know, just go, “Right, okay, that’s it. Right, finished. “Okay,” end the, end the thing. And then I’ll, I could walk away, and I’ll sit there, and I’ll go, “Oh, uh, that was actually because you wanted the space for another client or, you know.
00:23:35
RACHAEL CLYNE: Because you felt abandoned or rejected.
00:23:40
FIONA: Yeah, or I didn’t fit into your timetable anymore, so you just bumped into me. I, I know that’s not true, but
00:23:45
RACHAEL CLYNE: Fiona, we’ve been working together for 18 months now, and I hope that you, that’s, is that something that you’ve been feeling all along? That I’m just fitting you into my timetable?
00:23:55
FIONA: No, but you know that with, you know, I have this sense of so much being manipulated by other people just to fit into their lives and their way of doing things, that it doesn’t matter how close to me somebody is, I can still put myself in that place where I just think I’m the least important person. And even though their motives wouldn’t be to hurt me, it’s because they make me so small that I’m not important anymore. And they will then do anything, you know, without considering my feelings, really, and
00:24:35
RACHAEL CLYNE: Okay, well, one of the things that I’m aware of is that just raising the possibility of ending brings up a lot of feelings for you.
00:24:45
FIONA: Yeah, that’s a, yeah.
00:24:45
RACHAEL CLYNE: And that’s why the ending is very important in therapy because it brings up those unresolved issues. And I’m not suggesting that we should decide to end, but it feels like there’s, you said that you said something earlier about, “I don’t know what other ways are possible.” Maybe that’s something we could explore. How would it be to do it differently? How would it be for you to have a choice about it? How would it be for your feelings to be considered and for you to have control?
00:25:25
[sil.]
00:25:30
RACHAEL CLYNE: Fiona?
00:25:30
FIONA: I’m just thinking about, you know, people I’ve kind of lost.
00:25:40
RACHAEL CLYNE: People like?
00:25:40
FIONA: Just, um, you know, when I was a kid, just friends, and they’d move and then, you know.
00:25:50
RACHAEL CLYNE: So, friendship’s something that can be good and then it’s just taken away?
00:25:55
FIONA: Yeah, and it, and
00:26:00
[sil.]
00:26:05
RACHAEL CLYNE: Are you remembering things from school? Is anyone in particular?
00:26:10
FIONA: I had a really good friend at, you know, at my first school, and then, I was moved on to another school and
00:26:20
RACHAEL CLYNE: What was the name of your friend?
00:26:20
FIONA: Sarah.
00:26:20
RACHAEL CLYNE: Sarah.
00:26:25
FIONA: And, you know, the thing that hurts me is that, is that I know I was really upset when we left, and I know she was really upset, but we were never allowed to be upset.
00:26:35
RACHAEL CLYNE: Or to say goodbye?
00:26:35
FIONA: Yeah, I think we did say goodbye, and we also wrote letters to each other, but it didn’t last for very long, you know, ‘because your other life takes over and stuff, and it was just that, I just see this, I’ve just got this picture like, of these two little girls who’re both unhappy that they couldn’t say, they, that they had to not be, they couldn’t be together, and it was like, and then I have this sort of, you know, picture of grownups going, “Oh, never mind. I’m sure you can see each other in the holidays,” or “You can write letters to each other.” And then that was all okay.
00:27:10
RACHAEL CLYNE: But you’re little, every day counts, doesn’t it?
00:27:15
FIONA: Yeah, and also
00:27:15
RACHAEL CLYNE: Because it’s a long time.
00:27:15
FIONA: And also, someone says you can write letters or, maybe you can stay with each other in the holidays, then if you’re only 7, you can’t organize that for yourself, you know? You kind of need them to support you in that, and there was, you know, it was just like all those things were said as a kind of palliative, you know, like, “Oh, that will stop the kids from getting too upset.” Yeah. Pat them on, yeah. Um, well, just tell them any old rubbish and they’ll never see each other again.
00:27:45
RACHAEL CLYNE: If you had the opportunity to say to your parents now what you couldn’t say then about your friendship with Sarah, what would you say to them?
00:27:55
FIONA: Um, just that it was really important to me, and that, you know, things were important when you were 7, you know? And that’s, things are really important when you’re 7. They’re as important as when you’re 47 or 67.
00:28:10
RACHAEL CLYNE: Things? Can you be more specific, and make a statement?
00:28:15
FIONA: Yeah, that my friendships were real friendships.
00:28:15
RACHAEL CLYNE: “My friendships are real. Don’t take them away from me.”
00:28:20
FIONA: Don’t make them insignificant. Don’t make them insignificant because they’re the friendships of a child. Do you know? And that, yeah. So, phew. Where did all that come from?
00:28:45
RACHAEL CLYNE: Endings. Through the possibility of ending therapy, Fiona’s been able to contact some powerful memories of loss and of having her feelings and her friendships dismissed. She’s been able to express what she couldn’t say then and be heard. This seems to release her back to a more integrated awareness. Can I ask you, Fiona, just going back to the possibility of the counseling here ending, are you afraid that I’m just going to disappear if you finish the counseling, if we finish?
00:29:25
FIONA: Yeah, I get the sense, or I’ll get this feeling of like, you know, laws of counseling, rules of engagement, and they’re like, you know, like kind of stuff that grownups call, you know, to make it all neat. And I see that. I kind of resent that. You know, we’ve discussed that you know.
00:29:45
RACHAEL CLYNE: The 7-year-old in you resents it.
00:29:45
FIONA: Yeah. The 7-year-old in me wants, just wants to go well, why? You know, why does that have to be like that then?/
00:30:00
[sil.]
00:30:05
RACHAEL CLYNE: Well, I don’t know that we’re going to find an answer to that today, Fiona, but it, it’s brought out some of the things that are making you hold on and that is important to you, and I’m really glad that you’ve said what you said. I’m really glad that 7-year-old Fiona has had a chance to express how she feels. And in life, we do have to face endings, don’t we? And that’s a mixture. It kind of brings up losses from the past, the bad endings, if you like, and I like to think that counseling can provide an opportunity to do it differently, to have a good ending. But that’s something you and I have to explore together and decide whether we want to do that, and how we go about it. You know, sometimes people say, “Well, I’d like to aim to end in six months,” or “I’d like another few sessions,” or “Can I think about it?” You know, there are lots of different options. But on the other hand, do you want to carry on coming and paying your money to me if there are no longer things that you want to work on here if the work that we’ve done together is complete?
00:31:25
FIONA: Well, no, because, no, I don’t. I know, I mean, you know, I don’t because it’s sort of, but it seems like endings are the next thing to deal with. You know, it feels like, okay, to end, we have to deal with endings and, and that just, I mean, you know, I’m already kind of, I’ve got this big lump here just thinking about endings, you know, which I’ll probably think about a lot.
00:31:50
RACHAEL CLYNE: Right, so maybe endings are a topic for us to work on, but we don’t have to act it out in reality.
00:32:00
FIONA: No, but I think if, if we do the work, then it will naturally come to an end.
00:32:05
RACHAEL CLYNE: Okay.
00:32:05
FIONA: Okay, that’s a way of looking at it. That’s a way I hadn’t looked at it before. You know, it’s like, so then it isn’t enforced, then it is like, right, okay, now we’re dealing with endings. And we kind of know that the end of the endings will be, will be.
00:32:20
RACHAEL CLYNE: Well, how would it be to think of it this way, Fiona, so that it’s more of a completion rather than an ending?
00:32:30
FIONA: Yeah. I mean, it’d be great, wouldn’t it, to get to the end of something and feel.
00:32:35
RACHAEL CLYNE: Complete.
00:32:35
FIONA: Complete and excited about what’s to come next, rather than like it’s incomplete and it’s just been sort of snatched away from you and it was, “I haven’t finished.”
00:32:45
RACHAEL CLYNE: Which is the pattern of your life that we’ve spent other sessions looking at as well, haven’t we? Okay, well, we’re coming towards the completion, stroke, and ending of this session now. Is that, how does that feel?
00:33:05
FIONA: I feel a bit teary, but obviously, it was quiet, I was kind of, you know, we laughed at the end, so that’s good energy.
00:33:15
RACHAEL CLYNE: Right. And we found something to talk about, didn’t we?
00:33:20
FIONA: Yes. And, uh, I just wanted to say that I appreciate that identification really that I found now of the fact that for me an ending always means something incomplete. It always means something that I’ve not been allowed to finish.
00:33:35
RACHAEL CLYNE: Sudden and cut off.
00:33:35
FIONA: Yeah. And
00:33:40
RACHAEL CLYNE: No control.
00:33:40
FIONA: I don’t know what it feels like to end something and have it completed.
00:33:45
RACHAEL CLYNE: All right. Well, I would like us to try and find a way to do that for you.
00:33:50
FIONA: Okay.
00:33:50
RACHAEL CLYNE: That feels good to me. Okay?
00:33:55
FIONA: Yeah.
00:33:55
ENDING THERAPY, The final session
00:34:00
RACHAEL CLYNE: If we do the work, then it will naturally come to an end. What a brilliant insight for Fiona, and an important shift from her history of ending equals unfinished, sudden, dictated by others to ending being a process that is in her control and that feels complete. This is the gift of a good ending, the experience of completion and autonomy. I find it a useful distinction to offer to my clients. Given this is a roleplay simulation, one can only speculate on how Fiona and I spend the next few sessions. Probably examining other sudden endings from her past, and how this affects her relationships. Some issues may have already been explored to an extent, but ending counseling does trigger a different perspective. Hopefully, Fiona would recognize more fully how she recreates her sense of powerlessness in her adult life and how her defense reactions against being dismissed have turned her into dismisses. In moving from perceiving herself as a victim to one active participant, she gained a level of understanding and awareness to effect positive change in her relationships and in her ability to experience achievement. As well as voicing her feelings to figures from her past, a significant component might also be for Fiona to voice any critical feelings towards me, or at least to be able to disagree. And I would be actively looking for opportunities to support this. Having been so consistently positive towards me, idealizing me, for her to find the courage to disagree could represent a symbolic step towards an independent sense of herself as others, and it would support her readiness to separate, to end the counseling. Now let’s see what happens when we arrive at the final session. Well, here we are. It’s been about, how many sessions is it, six, six sessions since we first raised the ending, and this is the day. What’s it like today for you?
00:36:40
FIONA: It feels a bit unreal. I just, you know, it’s a bit like, ‘because we’ve been here in this situation so often, it’s a very familiar situation and here we are back in a familiar situation, and it’s not the same because it’s the last time we’re going to meet up.
00:36:55
RACHAEL CLYNE: But looking back to six weeks ago and how it felt then, how are you feeling today?
00:37:00
FIONA: I feel all right. I mean, I feel, um, I feel a lot freer. There aren’t so many, um, I suppose, shadows, you know, past shadows.
00:37:25
RACHAEL CLYNE: Well, we’ve done quite a lot of working through those memories that came up for you around the ending.
00:37:30
FIONA: Exactly. And so those things are sort of not there anymore, so that makes this, uh, more of a unique event in its own right.
00:37:40
RACHAEL CLYNE: How would you describe the event today, then?
00:37:40
FIONA: Um, I suppose, um, it’s important, it’s an important time, an important thing that we’re doing, and it’s something that I, I’m ambiguous about because I, you know, it still can be really sad. It’s still sad, isn’t it, saying goodbye to somebody, somebody who’s been in your life for such a long time and, you know, it, so I, you know, there’s sadness, but it’s not like that sort of, um, kind of just stultifying sadness that just kind of holds you down and keeps you just immobile.
00:38:25
RACHAEL CLYNE: Are there any other feelings there as well as sadness?
00:38:25
FIONA: Well, there’s a bit of a sort of, “Yippee!” in there as well, but I don’t know exactly where that’s coming from, you know?
00:38:35
RACHAEL CLYNE: Yeah, what d
