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INT: Yeah, ok. Right so er, so this project is about friendship erm and I want you to think about one of your friends erm and can you tell me how you became friends?
DEB: A particular, just one particular friend?
INT: Yeah for now.
DEB: Er I’ve met a good friend from university, I’ve not known her long but I class her now as a friend [INT: yeah] kind of thing, we’re both mums and we both you know we’re on the phone all the time and wherever, whenever, like she’ll probably come here and meet me now cos I’m here kind of thing [INT: yeah] and we’ll have a cup of coffee together and stuff, and I just met her through starting this degree and [INT: ok] just erm, yeah I think we just had a lot in common and we just sort of stuck together when we first started, even though we never knew each other and I’d never seen her in my life before, but [INT: ok] it was nice.
Er I’ve met a good friend from university
we’re both mums
yeah I think we just had a lot in common
INT: So how, how, how did you strike up a friendship together?
DEB: Erm I don’t know, I’m the sort, I don’t really struggle making friends cos erm everyone tells me I’ve got a big mouth and I don’t stop talking [laughs] so I’m quite, I don’t know I’m just chatty so I sort of meet friends that way [INT: yeah], just by not being quiet and sitting there cos I sort of do chat to people and you sort of get to know people then don’t you?
INT: Yeah, yeah so is that how, is that how you met just, just through you striking up a conversation?
DEB: Yeah, yeah, I’m trying to think exactly [laughs] yeah I think that’s what it was, we were both in the same research methods class [INT: ok] erm I just remember sitting next to her and we just started talking and she was a mum and I was a mum and we just had little things like that, but then the more, you know every, every time we came in we swapped phone numbers and we’ve just got more friendlier, so instead of her just being like a uni friend or someone I’ve just met in uni I will class her as my friend now, a proper friend.
she was a mum and I was a mum
same research methods class
I will class her as my friend now, a proper friend.
INT: Yeah, and what, what kind of things do you do with this person, sort of how, how would you pass the time?
DEB: Talk [laughs], that’s all we do really erm, I don’t know when I’m with her we have a little bit of a, sometimes we have like a little mad moment and we’ll go on the giggles over stupid little things, you know like juvenile stuff [INT: yeah] and then we go ‘what are we doing?’, looking for silly people’s names on the, you know on the email thing and stuff like that, and just talk, and we compare stuff about our kids a lot [INT: yeah] kind of thing, not compare but you know I’ll say ‘Rob’s doing this’, a lot of people I think who haven’t got kids don’t wanna, they’re not interested but me and her ‘oh did she!’ and ‘did he!’ and you know [INT: yeah] we’re like that, we send each other pictures of our kids when they’ve done mad stuff [laughs], they’ve had their face painted I’ll send it to her.
INT: So that, that was a big kind of, that was a big sort of starting point for your friendship, the children.
DEB: I think so yeah, definitely, cos I think coming to uni, I think cos we’re both, obviously when you first start university as well a lot of people have just done their A levels and are like nineteen and eighteen [INT: yeah] and we were, like I’m twenty five and she’s, I think she’s about twenty five, twenty six and we both had you know a child [INT: yeah], so I think that was something that made, you know as well as us both being chatty and both getting on that was a major thing.
INT: Yeah, you felt kind of comfortable, comfortable with that, yeah and are your children a similar age as well?
DEB: Yeah, I think my little boy’s about a year older than her little girl [INT: ok], so it’s, yeah.
INT: Ok, so it’s nice to have that somebody like you say you can share that, share that with, yeah.
DEB: Definitely, yeah.
INT: Erm so, so you’ve been friends with this person for about a year now, not quite, an academic year, so like September till, yeah.
DEB: Yeah, just, yeah, yeah not long at all, yeah, yeah.
INT: And like you say now you consider her not just a uni friend but like a …
DEB: Yeah a friend, yeah.
INT: Yeah, a good friend, and do you do things outside of university with, with, with each other?
DEB: Yeah we go for drinks and that, we meet up and have dinner and stuff [INT: yeah] and we’re talking about, you know she’s rung me and said she’s been talking to someone and they’ve been talking about a festival in Holland and stuff [INT: oh right] and do I wanna go, so we’re looking at doing stuff like that together [INT: yeah], so it’s not just like in university, it’s, it’s, you know we are like looking to do stuff together outside that, you know I’ll invite her to things if, you know if I’m going somewhere I’d say ”do you wanna come?’ kind of thing.
INT: Yeah, and do, and do, do you feel that thats erm, sort of how soon did that happen after you became friends in terms of inviting each other out outside of uni?
DEB: Erm … erm I’d say a little, quite, not quite a while because it hasn’t been that long any way, but I’d say because I am chatty I meet so many different people and I wouldn’t class them as my friend, friend [INT: yeah], but like, you know like uni friends and I know loads of people, but I don’t know what it was, just, we just clicked and it wasn’t like that erm [INT: yeah], I think it was one day after, after uni, like a half term, you know when we’d finished up and we went to the pub, a group of us, and it was sort of like all people who were uni friends [INT: yeah] and it sort of like me and her ended up just sitting together like that [laughs] kind of thing [laughs] that was it.
INT: Yeah it just ended up staying in contact and …
DEB: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
INT: yeah. So how long can you see yourself being friends with this, this person?
DEB: I’d like to think forever now as much as we can, she doesn’t live close, it’s quite a way away, but we sort of make this as our base like town [INT: yeah] as where we meet up kind of thing.
INT: So does she live in Liverpool but?
DEB: Just outside Liverpool [INT: ok], she lives across the water [INT: oh, right, ok], so she has to like get a bus for an hour. All the way, yeah.
INT: Right to get into, yeah to get into Liverpool, yeah erm …
DEB: She’s offered me to like come and stay and that you know if we go on a night out she said ‘come for a night out by mine and there’s a spare room’ and you know and all that ‘you could stay in ours’ and stuff like that and I’ve said the same to her so.
INT: Yeah, yeah, so have you been over to her house yet then?
DEB: No, (laughs) as much as I regret like, but I haven’t yet.
INT: Yeah, I suppose with uni and everything as well you’ve been quite busy and you’ve only just finished and, yeah.
DEB: That’s it yeah, yeah, but I plan on, plan on going.
INT: Yeah, erm (laughs) so you’ve got this kind of close friend at uni erm, and er is there anyone else in your kind of current group of friends that you’re, that you’re particularly close to?
DEB: Erm yeah, I’ve got another friend, another mum [laughs] and I met her through erm when I had my little boy, she’s a bit, she’s quite older than me and she’s already done a degree and when I had my little boy erm we went to like a mother and toddler group and I met her there and I never knew that, I never knew that she’d, she got a degree or anything like that, I just remember talking to her saying ‘I wanna go to college because I wanna’, I said ‘I wanna go and, I wanna study psychology and stuff’ and she went ‘I’ve got a psychology degree’ and it was like ‘oh my god’, we got quite close, she’s got a psychology and biology degree, and we started chatting through that and even though she’s a lot older than me and already got her sort of friends so it was a bit, just like mums for a while [INT: yeah] and then the more we got to know each other kind of thing, she’d like invite me out and if I was doing, I’ve just been to that Ann Summers party with her the other day [INT: oh right, excellent], we had fun [laughs], erm yeah so stuff like that, or if I’m doing anything with my little boy I’ll phone her and see if her and her little boy wanna come with us and [INT: yeah] stuff like that.
